This next story has been TOLD and RE-TOLD in our River Section and it's essence never loses it's taste for LAUGHTER. This is about my well-respected "CHIEF" in the U.S. Navy. I can't recall his first name, so I'll just call him CHIEF NICHOLSON. He is a BOATSWAIN MATE Chief (BMC) and he was in the twilight of his Naval Career during the Vietnam War. But this did not deter him from serving his country's WAR efforts. This story never chipped a single piece of ADMIRATION I have for him. I have so much respect for him that at times, I just called him "Uncle Nick". This is how the story goes...
The MEKONG RIVER was full of surprises. Besides the VIETCONGS, fish nets, fish traps, MINES, DEAD BODIES, etc...there was all kinds of JUNK floating in the river. Some of those could be detected by our PBR's radar, (Raytheon 5oo series) and can be AVOIDED. However, one of the surprises that EVERY Boat Captain DREADED most are the "SAND BARS". There were plenty of SAND BARS in the river, and most of them are UN-CHARTED and continually SHIFT position depending on the CURRENT and status of the tide.
Unavoided, these could become the Boat Captain's and Patrol Officer's NIGHTMARE. It is quite imaginable how a person FEELS if he's being used for TARGET PRACTICE by enemies on BOTH sides of the river. My "Uncle Nick" could surely tell you how it felt to be in that predicament.
BMC NICHOLSON was the Patrol Officer of a day patrol somewhere at the lower CUA TIEU. His patrol was just relieved on station by the incoming night patrol. BMC NICHOLSON's crew were now on their way to HOTEL MY THO. It was normal for the Boat Captain to "goose" the PBR's engines on "FULL SPEED" on their way home. Anyway, it was already DUSK and the river was almost clear from traffic at this time of day. It was a PERFECT time to test the SPEED of the "JACUZZI ENGINES". The pride of the boat's ENGINEMAN was now at stake. However, for some BIZARRE reason, the PBR in which BMC NICHOLSON was riding found itself SKIDDING to a SCREECHING HALT on sand instead of water.
The crew instantly jumped off the boatand tried to UN-STRAND the boat from the sand bar, while the other PBR stayed close, watching BOTH sides of the river. BMC NICHOLSON immediately radioed HQ at MY THO and reported the situation.
Out of nowhere..."BANG! BANG!" All of the crew dove on the sand bar, and only BMC NICHOLSON was left on the boat with the radio. The PBR on the water couldn't fire because they didn't know where the shots were coming from.
Again..."BANG! BANG! BANG!" echoed in the river. Thjis time the situation tuned really SCARY. A SNIPER or a group of SNIPERS had spotted the stranded PBR. It was getting dark and the chances of getting hit by a B-40 rocket or an RPG was just a matter of time. "BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!" The shots were now getting more FREQUENT, keeping the crew pinned down on the sand.
Suddenly, out of NOWHERE this voice came from the radio: "PISTOL PACKIN' MAMA, PISTOL PACKIN' MAMA! Send the MARINES! Send the ARMY!! Send the NAVY!!! GET US THE F!@# OUT OF HERE!!!"
This was CHIEF NICHOLSON's voice on the radio requesting help..Within moments, ARMY GUNSHIPS were hovering above the vicinity and soon other PBR's came to the rescue. Waiting for the TIDE to come in seemed like an ETERNITY.
Sighs of RELIEF came after HOURS of waiting. High tide started to set in and after INCH after agonizing INCH of water the PBR started to float, and with 12 inches of water the PBR finally floated free from the sand bar. The crew hopped in and homeward bound they went.
Without question, for BMC NICHOLSON and crew, THAT was a CLOSE CALL. For the rest of us, it was MIXED feelings of FEAR and JOY. Aside from the scraped bottom, their boat had NO casualties at all. To think that this could have happened to ANY of us gives me "goose pimples". And when it does, WHO was I going to call? PISTOL PACKIN' MAMA? Honestly speaking, I cannot remember of any UNIT with that "CALL SIGN", but whoever she was, I was very happy that it worked for my "Uncle Nick".
NEXT: Ice-Cube BLOWJOB...
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